Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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