Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My penis needs a shock collar
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
