Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
