i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You ruined the universe
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
