It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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