I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Boobs speak an international language.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
