Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
where does the pee come out of this thing
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
