Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
