In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
