we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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