i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize