He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
