Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
