I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
