even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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