I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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