Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have demons in me.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
