My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
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he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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