I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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