do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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