she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
