He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
