I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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