I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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