tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need a beard to bite.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
