Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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