didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
