Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
