Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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