Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
