He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
