dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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