Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize