she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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