I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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