Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
