I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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