i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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