I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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