Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't turn off my feet"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
