TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
