my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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