Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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