"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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