Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
