Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
