So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
