I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
