Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
