I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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