I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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