If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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