So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
