I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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