He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
