Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
