a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
