When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
