3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
