You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
