nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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