So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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