The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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