If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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