It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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