...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
