Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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